


Happier

by modern_mage



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, M/M, POV Keith (Voltron), POV Lance (Voltron), Post Season 4, Season 4 Spoilers, Violence isn't that graphic, but better safe than sorry, s4 spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-02-27 11:57:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13247754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/modern_mage/pseuds/modern_mage
Summary: Keith thought they were happier without him.It's wrong.But it's right. It's right because it's where he's needed. He knows this. Shiro knows this. That's why they let him leave so long ago, that's why they told him "Good job" when he almost killed himself to save them. Keith still doesn't know if they knew, but it doesn't matter.They let him go. Again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration and title from Ed Sheeran's "Happier" 
> 
> This is going to be multi-chaptered, so stick around! :)

The planet is a luminescent blue, but even from the confines of the ship, Keith can see the twinges of purple. He grips his blade more tightly in his hands, tries not to think about how it glows purple, the _same_ purple. To his left, Kolivan stands with his face hidden behind a mask. They know their mission; further words need not be exchanged. The other Blades are just as silent. They wait as they've been waiting for thousands of years. The quiet, the stillness... Keith is standing the same room as everyone else but feels as though he is a million light years away.

It's wrong.

But it's right. It's right because it's where he's needed. He knows this. Shiro knows this. That's why they let him leave so long ago, that's why they told him "Good job" when he almost killed himself to save them. Keith still doesn't know if they knew, but it doesn't matter.

They let him go. Again.

"Thirty ticks."

Keith nods his head in acknowledgement. This is routine. This is safe. This is a mission, a mission that comes without attachment, without the obligation to look out for others. He can now be his truest self: a loner. He knows who he is. It doesn't matter that sometimes he thinks of what could have been, wonders if Red misses him, wonders if _anyone_ misses him. He has his mission, they have theirs, and everything is as they should be.

The hatch of the ship opens, and Keith is jumping through the hatch and flying through the air, as free as he could possibly be. He hits the ground, and he is rolling, running, fighting. His blade is an extension of his arm, an extension of himself. Galra fall left and right before him, and he has long since thought about whether or not they are Sentries. It doesn't matter; they all fall before him.

He whirls around, and with his blade clutched like a lifeline in his hands, he surveys the battlefield. Kolivan is engaged in a fight with two Sentries, but Keith knows well enough now that Kolivan will never need his help. Another Blade is dispatching Galra with a ruthless efficiency that leaves him covered in a second skin of blood. Forgetting his surroundings briefly, Keith raises his hands in front of his face and sees that he is no different. It is… disorienting. 

There is no time, however, to consider the consequences of his actions; there never is. Instead, he thrusts himself back into the midst of the fighting. His muscles ache with exertion, but stopping means death. Under his mask, he can feel drenched hair stuck to his forehead, and at this rate, he will drown in his own sweat. Yet, as he dodges around a constant barrage of gunfire, only to emerge once his target is in his arms-length and thus on the verge of death, he knows that drowning will not be his fate. 

From the corner of his eye, he sees a Galra approaching one of the Blades who is already engaged in a fight with a Sentry. The cry of warning falls from his lips too late, and the Blade falls, having been run through the abdomen. There is a chance that the Blade is still alive, but not being able to fight is as good as dead here. There is nothing that Keith can do. 

There is nothing that Keith can do but fight, so he flings his blade across the field so that it pierces through the neck of the Galra that had just so mercilessly ended the life of the Blade. He then runs and retrieves it, yanking it free, and he already wants to forget the sound. The Sentry, too, is still a problem, but not for long. In a movement that is almost as familiar as breathing, Keith slices it in half.

Finally, the battle stills, and for a moment, Keith can breathe. He looks around, captures the scenery in his memory, as though someday someone may care where he's been and what he's done.

Everything is blue. _Of course,_ that's the first thing he notices. The ground is blue, albeit a faint blue, and off in the horizon, he can see an ocean with the remnants of a sunset lingering above it. The sky reflects the sea and is just as blue, just as beautiful. It is exactly as Lance described, back in those days when they weren't rivals, but they weren't quite friends either, and if not for the patches of purple where red blood meets blue ground, Keith thinks that Lance may have liked to have seen this. 

"Keith!" Kolivan barks, and Keith is following. There is still a mission. There is always a mission. All that changes is what intel they are gathering. Sometimes the intel is worth it, and Keith can justify the bodies of Blades that are left where they fell in battle, and he can forget that it doesn't always have to be like this.

Infiltration still isn't one of Keith's strong suits, but he still tries. He is a Blade now, and he will do whatever he can to purge the galaxy of the Galra threat. Knowledge or death. Victory or death. These are his mantras, and they will be his mantras until the latter occurs. 

The Galra base is well-fortified. Their battle just now was merely with a patrol guarding the perimeter. If their presence within the actual base is detected, it will be a bloody escape at best. But again, this is routine, safe and familiar. They know the risks, and Keith is no stranger to self-sacrifice. 

A quick decryption unlocks a back door that they had discovered on the schematics of the base they had found during their last mission. Theoretically, there should be few guards here, but security on the inside is likely strong enough to make up for any oversights.

Kolivan takes point, and Keith follows closely behind with his blade drawn. Despite how lightly they step, the base is so devoid of activity that their footsteps echo. Realistically, they are quiet, nearly undetectable, but that doesn’t stop Keith from holding his breath with each step. 

“Kolivan,” he says finally. “Shouldn’t we have seen someone by now?”

Kolivan stops to look at him. The mask covers his features, but Keith can imagine his expression: annoyed, irritable. “Remain silent, Keith, unless you would actually like them to hear us.” 

Keith drops his head, resigned, and continues to follow Kolivan. Once he gets over being able to hear his footsteps, he falls back to feeling almost comfortable on this routine, safe mission. The hallways and layout of the base are familiar, the gripe of his blade in his hand is familiar, the way he can feel his hair stick to the back of his neck is familiar. For a moment, he half-expects to hear Lance crack a joke or Hunk voice his concerns before he remembers that he is no longer a member of Team Voltron. That is his past. 

This is his present. His future. This is where he belongs. 

After approximately five dobashes, they reach the locked corridor that should take them to their destination. A Blade steps forward, one that is small in stature for a Galra, and begins to decrypt the door. Given the usual strength of Galran encryptions, Keith expects this process to take at least another five dobashes and stands guard alongside Kolivan and some of the other Blades. 

When he hears the door slide open only a dobash later, he has only a moment to react before the bomb goes off. 

Only, that moment wasn’t really enough time to react, so instead of narrowly getting out of the way in time, he finds himself blown across the hallway and slammed into the opposite wall. He falls to the floor, managing to hit his likely already concussed head in the process, and has just a slightly longer moment to pull himself to his feet before Galra and Sentries pour out of corridor like angry hornets emerging from a nest. 

He quickly surveys his surroundings to get an estimate for just how many Blades survived the explosion. Of course, he sees Kolivan already driving his blade into the stomach of a Galra, but there are a few other dazed Blades like him. Considering how his vision seems to be swimming in front of him, he’s surprised that he managed to get himself up and moving and deems himself lucky that the blast didn’t knock him unconscious. 

A laser sails by his head and crashes into the wall behind him, and the near miss is enough to spurn him into action. He spots the nearest Sentry and rolls, popping up just in time to slash its legs and then deliver a killing blow to its head. Then, he grabs its gun and with accuracy solely provided by his adrenaline and the threat of death, he takes out a Galra with two succinct blasts to the head. Before that body even hits the ground, he is moving onto his next target. Stopping means death, there is no time, most of the Blades are dead, they’re outnumbered, he must-

“Keith!” Kolivan shouts over the barely controlled panic of Keith’s brain. “Fall back!” 

The rational part of him says that their position here is hopeless, that more Galra are coming, that they haven’t even made a dent in their forces, and that, yes, they need to retreat.

The stubborn part of him is asking _what the hell_ happened to victory or death. Do all of these mantras mean nothing to Kolivan when it is his life on the line? What about those who died just getting them to this point? Do their sacrifices mean nothing if they abandon the mission now?

“Keith!” Kolivan yells again, and the order is expressed clearly through his tone. 

Without another thought, Keith cuts a quick path through the Galra ahead of him and follows after Kolivan. They are retracing their steps back through the base while at the same time running from the seemingly endless horde of Galra and Sentries following them. Keith kept hold of the gun and is firing over his shoulder when he can, accuracy going by the wayside for their desperate need of just some type of cover fire. 

They reach the back door and burst through it. Keith’s legs ache and his head pounds, and he hopes that all of the Galra were inside of the base and that they can reach the rendezvous point before they get blown to hell. 

Unfortunately, because the planet is more or less a blue sphere, they are at a huge disadvantage. Beyond the ocean off in the distance, there is little by the way of landscape, and the flat openness of it all makes it where the Galra might as well be shooting fish in a barrel. 

He feels a resounding hit in his back that proves his point. With no grace whatsoever, he falls and skids across the dusty blue surface of the planet. Between his severely concussed head and the pain that only grows stronger in his back, getting back on his feet seems an impossible challenge. 

As his vision begins to fade, he lifts his head enough to see Kolivan continuing to run, not having even looked back at the sound of Keith hitting the ground. 

There is a flash of red, and then everything goes dark.


	2. Chapter 2

“Alright,” Lance mutters to himself as Red drops his head and allows Lance to enter. “They’ve got to be around here somewhere.” 

In some way that absolutely could not have been his fault, Lance had managed to misplace his headphones. He had gone the whole day without noticing because, in complete honesty, he doesn’t have the time to lounge around the way he used to anymore. There is always work (or training) to be done around the Castle, and with Zarkon back on the throne, the Galra Empire is only becoming stronger. In other words… 

Shit is getting real. 

On the bright side, Lance can officially say that he and Red are buds. Between getting blown out of the sky a few times, zipping around and taking targets down, and occasionally falling asleep in the cockpit, they have a bond. Kind of. It’s definitely different than being with Blue, and despite Red’s insane speed, he still wishes that he could go back to his original lion sometimes. With Keith gone, though, there isn’t anybody else to fly Red (and just to be sure they even had Matt try), so the burden? responsibility? honor? falls to him. 

He’s standing in the cockpit now, and at first glance, his headphones are nowhere to be found. So, it’s down to hands and knees, and the desperate need to find his headphones so that he can actually fall asleep tonight. He needs something to drown out his thoughts; otherwise, he’s just going to be staring at his ceiling forever. 

He has just checked under his seat, and at this point, Lance is pretty sure that Red just _ate_ them or something. He has already checked his room, the kitchen, the lounge, and the control room. Honestly, if they’re not here, he may just cry and then beg Allura to use her space magic to conjure up another pair. Maybe she won’t remember that this is the third pair he’s lost already… 

“Did you eat them, buddy?” Lance asks, not entirely expecting an answer, but also knowing that Red can basically read his mind in close proximity. Works great in combat, for sure, but at the same time, Lance can’t deny just how _weird_ it is that he shares a psychic link with a nearly-sentient robot lion that forms an even bigger robot.

Sometimes, it’s just better not to think that much about it. 

As if in response to Lance’s question, Red roars, and Lance is just about to make a snappy remark about how he doesn’t speak Lion when Red takes off, speeding out of his runway and flying into the dark abyss of space. It’s enough that Lance loses his balance completely and barely avoids banging his head against one of the consoles. Stumbling to his feet, Lance moves to his chair and grabs at the controls. Can the Lions short-circuit? Red only randomly takes off when…

Oh no. 

Lance curses strongly enough that he almost expects his mother to materialize and shove a bar of soap into his mouth like she did when he was a fledging middle schooler and getting exposed to the real curse words for the first time. 

“Don’t tell me this is what I think it is, Red!” 

Well-known fact. Meme-worthy fact. Red only goes ballistic like this when Keith is on the verge _of death._ Team Voltron hasn’t heard from him in forever, despite his half-baked insistence that he would keep in touch with them, and while Lance thinks the Blade of Marmora is the absolute coolest, he’s tagged along with them enough to know that they get into some seriously dangerous shit. This wouldn’t be the first time that Lance has been worried about his quasi-former rival, and it certainly won’t be the last unless…

Red flies faster. 

Lance has his hands gripped tightly around the controls, even though he has no idea where Red is going, and finds himself so concentrated on Keith’s wellbeing that he almost doesn’t notice when Allura pops up on one of his screens. 

“Lance! You know you’re not supposed to leave the Castle without informing one of us!” 

“It wasn’t me!” Lance protests. “Red took off! Keith is in trouble!” 

Allura frowns, and her brow furrows. “Oh, this is most troubling news. The rest of the team and I will grab our Lions, and I’ll tell Coran to prepare a healing pod.” 

Red suggests a thought to Lance. “Can you open a wormhole?” 

“Do you think that is wise? We don’t know how much trouble Keith is in exactly. Maybe you should wait for the rest of the team.”

“Allura, I don’t think we have time for that. _Keith_ doesn’t have time for that,” Lance urges. With another thought from Red, Lance knows where they are going and quickly types out the coordinates. “I’m sending you the coordinates for where we’re heading. Open the wormhole.” 

Allura nods, resigned, and the screen flickers off. A few moments later, the wormhole opens, and before Lance can even move the controls forward, Red is racing through the hole. While he has never been in Red during one of his Keith rescue missions before, he can’t help but wonder if this is how Red normally feels or if Keith is in worse danger than usual. 

They pop out of the wormhole, and Lance spots a blue planet where he _knows_ Keith is. Red roars in agreement, and Lance can only hope that they can get to him in time. 

Just as they’re breaking through the atmosphere, Lance realizes that he’s wearing jeans and a hoodie, not his Paladin armor, and that he doesn’t have his bayard. If it comes down to any sort of fight, his best bet is to stay in Red… if that’s even possible. Keith could be trapped inside of a building, and they definitely don’t want a repeat of what happened the first time they met the Blades. Or… he could be knocked out. The thought chills Lance, and Red, very surprisingly, sends him a wave of comfort that reminds him of Blue. 

Red flies across the expanse of an ocean and then comes across a clearing. In the distance, Lance can see what appears to be a Galra base. Running from the base is a small Blade –undeniably Keith– being pursued by a large contingent of Galra troops, all of whom are firing their weapons. 

He has no chance. 

“C’mon, Red! We gotta get down there!” 

Red heeds him and begins to land, just as Lance sees a shot directly hit Keith in the back. He falls, hardly able to catch himself, and Lance fears the worst. Then, there is the smallest of movements as Keith lifts his head, and Lance breathes a sigh of relief. He’s not dead. 

The second that Red is on the ground, Lance jumps out and rushes over to Keith, ignoring the continuing gunfire of the Galra troops. He notes that Red has taken to attacking them, and within ticks, a large dent has been made in their forces. 

“Keith, buddy,” Lance says, leaning down next to him. It wouldn’t take a doctor to know that the wound in Keith’s back is bad, and Lance suspects that it isn’t the only injury that Keith has sustained. “Can you hear me?” 

There’s no response- Keith has been knocked unconscious- and Lance has to debate how to safely get him into Red without worsening his injuries. Not seeing many options, Lance scoops Keith into his arms, face-down, and seemingly aware that Lance has him, Red… eats them, more or less. 

Once inside, Lance carefully moves to the back of Red, where he knows there’s a cot and, at the very least, a first-aid kit. He places Keith onto the cot, presses the button to disengage the mask from his face, and then rushes to the cockpit. Red has, of course, already taken off, but Lance needs to let Allura know to open another wormhole and to ask her just how the hell Altean medicine works. They’d have a medical goop, right? Like in Star Wars? 

“Allura,” Lance says as soon as she pops up on screen. “We’ve got him. He got shot in the back and is unconscious. We’re gonna need a wormhole and, _please,_ tell me there’s some magical Altean goop onboard.”

“There should be some paste that you can spread on his back,” Allura says hurriedly before killing the connection. Almost instantaneously, a wormhole opens. With that taken care of, Lance rushes back to Keith. 

He’s still unconscious, but after digging around for a bit, Lance is able to find the paste that Allura was talking about. Or, at least what he thinks the paste is; the writing is in Altean. In that moment, he wishes that he had the smarts to learn the language like Pidge. 

“Alright, buddy,” Lance says, knowing full-well that he is talking to himself more so than to Keith. “Just gonna rub this magic space medicine on your back and hope that it does the trick.” 

Lance has just began to rub the paste on Keith’s back when his eyes slowly open. He’s clearly still out of it and teetering on the edge of unconsciousness again, but Lance notices. He’s so relieved that he could kiss him, and Lance is so thrown off by the thought that he has to remind himself that it’s _just_ an expression. 

“Lance?” Keith asks, though his voice is quiet and shaky. 

“Yeah, I’m here,” Lance says. “We’re gonna get you back to the Castle, okay? Get you in a nice healing pod?” 

Keith hums in acknowledgement and falls unconscious once more. Lance ignores how his heart sinks to his stomach and continues to rub the paste over Keith’s back. Keith will _not_ die on his watch. 

Once Lance has done everything he can with the magical goop, including tending to a nasty bruise on Keith’s forehead, he heads back to the cockpit and can see that the Castle is in sight. Keith just has to hold on for a little while longer, and then they can get him in a healing pod, and then everything will be just fine. It has to be. 

Red lands in his hangar, and the others are already waiting for them. Lance directs Shiro and Hunk to where he has Keith stowed in the back of Red, knowing that they’ll have better luck maneuvering Keith to the healing pod than he ever would and that the sooner they get him there, the better. 

As Lance stands and watches Shiro and Hunk carry Keith out of Red, Coran approaches him and rests a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “He’ll be alright, my boy.”

Lance sighs. 

“He better be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance to the rescue! At first this was going to be written entirely from Keith's perspective but then I was like... nah, I love Lance too much. 
> 
> Based on the current outline for this, it should be about 20 chapters? Things might change as we go along though. Also, I'm going to try to update this fairly regularly, but no promises with school and all. 
> 
> Comments/Kudos appreciated!!


	3. Chapter 3

Keith is lying on his side in his bed with his eyes trained on the door. It’s been three days since he stumbled out of a healing pod into Hunk’s arms, dazed and confused as to how exactly he got back to the Castle. Since then, he’s confined himself to his room under the guise of needing rest and recovery. The others have let him keep to himself, except for occasional visits from Hunk and Pidge or Allura and Coran.

He hasn’t seen Lance yet, despite the team telling him that it was Lance who zipped halfway across space to save him. He also hasn’t seen Shiro, but he knows that Shiro is just giving him the space he wanted. 

And he needs his space. 

It shouldn’t hurt that Kolivan left him to die. Kolivan is the leader of the Blades; his death would be an unquestionable set-back for the group, enough of one that it might deter them from victory. So, maybe victory or death applies just to low-ranking Blades like him or just to the Blades he himself had left to die back on that blue planet and the planets before it. 

_Victory or death._

What had been a comforting mantra of purpose now seemed hollow and meaningless, probably just like all those deaths had been… What do they ever accomplish in the grand scheme of all this? How many lives are worth a few data-points of information that have a small possibility of giving them the upper hand in a battle that most Blades will never live to see?

He would feel sick if he weren’t so angry. 

Angry enough, in fact, to throw off the covers, get to his feet, and storm to the bridge.

He passes Hunk in the hallway and ignores him entirely, even though he could hear his excitement at him finally having left his room. There is one very specific person that he needs to talk to right now. One very specific person who is going to regret ever having fucked with him. 

“Allura, patch me to Kolivan,” Keith says as soon as he’s on the bridge. The princess had been standing in her usual spot, flipping through star charts, and seemed startled by his sudden appearance. 

“Is everything okay?” she asks. Keith detects both concern and suspicion in her voice and supposes that he deserves both, given his most recent interactions with Team Voltron. 

“Just do it!” 

With an agitated glare, Allura does as he wishes with a few quick motions of her hands. Within ticks, Kolivan appears. 

“Good, you’re still alive. I was suspecting to hear from you. I’ll send you the coordinates so that you can rendezvous with the rest of the Blades and-”

“The rest of the Blades?” Keith clenches his fists to try to keep control of himself, but that effort is as useless as every single mission he has ever been on for them. “How could there even be any left with how you throw their lives away?” 

“Keith, you’re losing control of your temper. Remember to think rationally. These are the sacrifices we must make to defeat the Galra Empire.” 

“Bullshit!” Allura gasps audibly behind him. “Every single Blade who lost their life on that planet died for nothing!” 

“The mission was a failure, yes,” Kolivan concedes, his face softening ever so slightly. “Your grief is understandable; however, there is still much to be done. I’m sending you the coordinates now so that-”

“You don’t get it, do you? I’m done with this.” To prove his point, he removes his knife and launches it through Kolivan’s projection. It flies across the room and hits the ground with a definite _clank_ that rings throughout the bridge. 

“Don’t be rash-” But Keith doesn't care about what he has to say and cuts the call right then and there. 

Allura starts to say something, but Keith doesn’t want to hear what she has to say, either. After all, she didn’t care when he nearly died to save them. None of them did. He would have given his life to save all of them, and they couldn’t be bothered to see if he was okay. 

He’s not okay. 

He had nearly died twice now, and both times his death would have been for nothing. He was moronic to think that he could have taken down that shield with his small fighter, and he was even stupider for thinking that Kolivan saw him as more than a pawn to be used in a thousand-year long game. 

He leaves the bridge and lets his feet go on autopilot to the one spot on the ship where he can go when he needs to stop thinking and start _doing_. He doesn’t have his sword, and he doesn’t have his bayard so he doesn’t know what the hell he’ll get accomplished, but anything would be better than getting lost in his head. 

He’s not okay, and he knows it. 

The doors to the training deck slide open, and Keith is about to have the Castle conjure up some training dummies when he notices that Lance, of all people, is already there.

Keith can’t deny that there’s been some definite improvement in Lance’s skillset since the last time he saw him. There’s precision and determination and focus that just wasn’t there when they were first starting to get a feel for their bayards. Keith is also pretty sure that Lance has the Castle set on a level higher than he ever got to during his own time as a paladin… 

Team Voltron doesn’t need him anymore. 

All of a sudden, Lance’s bayard turns into a sword, and he’s slicing through projectiles at an insane pace. 

Team Voltron _really_ doesn’t need him anymore. 

In another flash, Lance’s bayard turns into a sniper rifle, and he’s back to shooting distant targets. 

“What the hell?” It comes out quickly before Keith can stop it, and as quickly as his bayard changes forms, Lance freezes and stops the training sequence. 

There’s a long, awkward pause before either one of them says anything. 

“Hey, man,” Lance says, finally breaking the tension, “So, uh, how long were you standing there?” 

“Long enough to know that you’ve unlocked three forms of your bayard.” 

Lance gleams, but his expression changes when he notices the look on Keith’s face. “Everything okay? How’s your back feeling?” 

His physical injuries are the least of his concerns if he's being completely honest. “It feels… normal. The healing pods are great.”

“Yeah, believe you me, I know.”

Another awkward pause. 

“If you want to train, Keith, I can leave.” 

Keith snorts and crosses his arms. “As if I have anything to train with.” 

“What about your knife thingy?” Lance asks. “It didn’t get left behind, did it? I swore I could have seen it when I picked you up, but honestly, Red and I were just trying to get you out of there as fast as possible so I’m really sorry if-”

Keith feels an urge to laugh at Lance’s rambling. “No, I quit the Blades. Chucked my knife through Kolivan’s projection.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. I’m done.” 

Lance takes a moment, considering. “Does that mean you’re coming back to the team?” 

“Given your skillset now, Lance, it looks like you guys don’t need me anymore. Besides, six paladins, five lions, remember?” 

A dark expression comes over Lance’s face. “Actually, I think there’s a paladin that could _definitely_ use a time-out.” 

“What?” 

“I think something’s wrong with Shiro."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better late than never! 
> 
> So this takes place after season 4, and while I'm going to include some things from season 5 (like Lance's bayard), this is mostly going to diverge from canon. 
> 
> Kudos/comments appreciated!!


	4. Chapter 4

The emotional, irrational part of Lance’s brain tells him that he most definitely needs to visit Keith. The logical part of his brain (which does exist, contrary to popular belief) says that visiting Keith is possibly the worst idea he has ever had. Every time he plays that inevitable interaction out in his head, it ends in total and complete disaster for him. He either says something that very clearly expresses how upset he was with Keith for ever leaving him- the team- in the first place or says something that very clearly expresses _why_ he would be upset with him for leaving. Lance isn’t ready to deal with those…feelings… yet, and he has a distinct feeling that it has something to do with heteronormativity and the knowledge that he has vocalized his love of girls enough that Keith may not even realize that… 

Well, all that to say, there is a very distinct reason that Lance is here, on the training deck, rather than playing mother hen to a very emo former Red Paladin. 

Besides, since Keith’s departure, Lance can’t deny that he has been training more, so it’s not like anyone would be surprised to find him here. In fact, he frequently trains with Allura now, which is as intimidating as it is awesome. He thinks back to that one particular instance where he discovered his ability to turn his bayard into a sword, which, yeah, made him feel like a total badass until he realized the ramifications of him having a very similar skillset to the long-gone Keith. 

But he’s not thinking about that. Not right now. 

No, now he’s thinking of about how he can shave seconds off the time it takes him to switch between forms of his bayard and take out baddies at a rate that would put most comic book heroes to shame. Plus, the sword still feels awkward in his hands, and he feels there needs to be consistency in his comfort level with all three different types of weapons he now wields. 

Shiro shares that same opinion, as he made oh-so-very clear on their last mission. They had been in the process of liberating an isolated planet from Galra control, and like always, things had gotten a little messy. Lance had been sniping targets from a comfortable distance away like he was SUPPOSED to do, but thanks to a hole in (Shiro’s) defense, he quickly got overrun by Galra troops. With literally no other choice, he switched his bayard to its sword form and began swinging like a madman. Of course, this meant that he was no longer covering the team, so they, too, got overrun, and had it not been for Coran’s intervention with the Castle, he wouldn’t have the breathe to bitch about this.

And really, there would have been nothing to bitch about if it weren’t what Shiro said once they got back to the ship. 

_“I expect the bare minimum from you, Lance, and you still manage to disappoint me,” Shiro says. “Your job is to cover the team. If I wanted Keith’s brand of bullshit, I would go fetch him from the Blade of Marmora.”_

_“But they were on top of me, Shiro. I-I don’t know what else I could have done differently,” Lance says, trying to keep the waver out of his voice._

_“You could have done your job,_ Sharpshooter. _Save the melee weapons for those who actually know how to use them.”_

That’s just one thing that makes Lance suspect that Shiro has gotten hit in the head one too many times… or something. Take into account all the other times that Shiro has snapped at him or completely ignored his advice in the field, mix that with his willingness to trust Lotor, and most recently, add his complete lack of give-a-damn that Keith nearly died, and you have a recipe for something that certainly smells fishy. Or the fact that he cussed when he usually gets onto Pidge for saying the least of curse words? Something's wrong, plain and simple.

Is it something that can be fixed? Maybe, but who would listen to him? No one else has said anything about it, and at this point, the most the rest of the team can do is offer him sympathetic faces when Shiro goes off on him, which _lucky me!_ happens daily now. 

The best explanation is that Shiro is stressed out like the rest of them. So, while it sucks, the best thing that Lance might be able to do is grin and bear it.

He’s finally in a rhythm training when he hears an exclamation of “What the hell?” from behind him. He could recognize that voice anywhere, and he freezes at the sound of it. 

The following conversation is painfully awkward, even by Lance’s standards. 

In response to Keith’s comment about the number of paladins and lions, Lance is half-tempted to say “Leave the math to Pidge” to lighten the mood, but the part of him that is desperate to have someone validate his concerns about Shiro beats him to the punch. 

“I think something’s wrong with Shiro."

Keith makes a face, and Lance almost regrets the words, but then there’s a resigned sigh from Keith and a look that prompts him to continue. 

“He doesn’t listen to anyone on the team anymore. Group-leadership? Zip, none, nada. It’s the complete opposite from when you were here.”

Keith’s eyes harden. “Things have changed, Lance.” 

“I mean, yeah, they have.” Lance blinks, slightly taken aback by the expression now present on Keith’s face. “But he’s even trusting Lotor now.” 

“What?”

Lance nods, glad that at least that tidbit of information makes Keith consider his suspicions. “Most of the missions we’ve been doing now are based off Lotor’s intel about the Galra Empire.”

“So the Blades’ efforts really have been for nothing…” Keith says quietly, as if to himself. 

“What? No, we’ve used your intel a lot actually.” 

“Why would you even listen to him? After all the time that we spent fighting him? There’s no way we can trust him!” Keith is visibly upset now. He takes a deep breath. “So I guess everything I did as the leader of the team was for nothing, too.” 

Forget Shiro; something's off about Keith. “Where’s this coming from?” Lance asks. “Everything you’ve done has helped the universe get closer to being free from the Galra.” 

Keith shakes his head. “Lance, pretend I didn’t say anything.” He’s still taking deep breaths, trying to regain control of himself. “Something’s wrong with Shiro.”

“Something’s clearly wrong with you, too!” Lance says. He only realizes how bad that sounds after the words have already escaped him. 

“If there was something wrong with me, you’d be the last person I’d want to talk to!” 

Lance is about to make a snappy reply when he thinks back to when Keith was the Black Paladin, and he was his right-hand man. Back then, they had gotten past their issues with each other, and they should be able to do the same now.

“That’s bullshit, and you know it.” Lance takes a deep breath of his own. “Listen, I understand if you don’t want to talk to me about whatever’s bothering you, but we’re done hating each other or being rivals or whatever else you want to call it.”

“I- you’re right,” Keith admits. He looks deflated. “I’ll let you train.” 

Lance rests a hand on Keith’s shoulder, and Keith gasps, just like the first time all those months ago. “I’m here if you need me, Keith.”

Keith gives Lance the faintest of smiles before turning and leaving the training deck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the quasi-slow burn commence...
> 
> Kudos/comments appreciated!!


	5. Chapter 5

Alarms blare throughout the Castle, and Keith is jarred awake from what already was a restless sleep. He instinctively reaches for his knife, only to remember that he never actually retrieved it from where he ditched it. 

“I’m such a dumbass,” he mutters under his breath. After throwing on his jacket (he’ll never wear his Blades uniform again), he’s running out the door to the bridge. He recognizes that it’s a futile effort on his part; after all, he’s not exactly useful to the team right now. Or any team for that matter… 

To his surprise, he’s the last one on the bridge, and everyone else is already in their paladin armor. Lance shoots him a sympathetic glance but then immediately turns his attention back to Shiro, who’s already explaining the situation and giving out orders. They’ve been ambushed by a Galra patrol, and they need to take them out before the Castle gets blown up. It’s certainly not anything unusual or anything that the team hasn’t done before, but with the way Shiro is speaking to them, you would think that they had never even flown the lions before. 

“Shiro, the longer you stand here stating the obvious, the more damage they’re going to do to our shields,” Pidge says, clearly agitated. From his spot behind his sister, Matt nods in agreement. 

“Fine! Just get to your lions!” Shiro snaps. He shoves his helmet onto his head and storms to the Black Lion’s launch pad. 

Keith watches as the other paladins go to their respective lions, and a sense of powerlessness overwhelms him. His friends are going to fight the Galra, and all he can do is sit and watch. He should’ve never left, but maybe now his only option is to go back to the Blades. At least they have a use for him.

“Come, Keith, my boy, you can help man the Castle’s defenses,” Coran says, resting a reassuring hand on Keith’s shoulder. “And I’m sure the others would appreciate another pair of eyes watching their flanks.” 

“Thanks, Coran,” Keith says. He appreciates that Coran is trying to make him feel included. It’s not like he actually needs any help, especially with Matt on board now.

“Glad to have you back, Keith,” Matt adds as if it ever made a difference to him. They’ve met what? Maybe once? 

Coran guides him over to the Red Paladin chair. “I’m sure Lance won’t mind.” 

Keith thinks back to his conversation with him yesterday. “He, uh, probably won’t.” 

Coran smiles a knowing smile and leaves Keith to take up the controls to the Castle’s small red blaster. It’s better than nothing, at least, but he knows that any damage to the Galra forces he contributes will be insignificant in the grand scheme of the battle. 

Despite his insecurity, Keith quickly falls into a rhythm. He takes out any Galra fighters that come within his range, and when he can, he gives heads-up to the paladins if they don’t see an enemy coming. 

He tries to ignore the fact that Lance is making an obvious effort to say “Thank you” after each and every time that Keith warns him of an approaching Galra. He can’t decide if it’s patronizing or not. 

_“We’re done hating each other or being rivals or whatever else you want to call it."_

Keith smiles. Maybe it’s well-intentioned. Regardless, there are more important things to focus on, which is why he is doing his very best to ignore the swirling thoughts in his head about a certain someone. He already lost enough sleep thinking about it. 

Suddenly, an entire fleet of Galra ships appears, and Keith has a sinking feeling that they unknowingly walked into a trap. One patrol with a handful of ships isn’t much to worry about, but this is the sort of fight that requires Voltron. 

He and Lance seem to share a wavelength because as soon as that thought crosses his mind, Lance is saying, “Hey, Shiro, shouldn’t we go ahead and form Voltron?” 

“No, we can take them with the Lions!” Shiro says. Keith then watches as the Black Lion narrowly dodges getting hit by multiple blasters. 

“Wouldn’t it go faster if we just formed Voltron?” Lance argues. 

“It would go faster if you shut your mouth and focused on the mission, Lance!”

“Shiro, I must agree with Lance on this one. There are too many of them; we should form Voltron,” Allura says. 

“No, I’m the leader, and I say we stick to our Lions,” Shiro retorts. “We shouldn’t be forming Voltron unnecessarily.”

“There are too many of them! We won’t last much longer like this!” Pidge adds. As if to prove her point, she takes a hit from one of the larger ships and momentarily loses control of her Lion. 

“Pidge!” Matt cries from his spot on the bridge. 

Keith has no doubt of it now: something is most definitely wrong with Shiro. There’s no reason for them not to form Voltron right now, and by delaying the action, he’s putting everyone’s lives at risk. 

And he can only watch. 

He finds his eyes trained on Lance. He blasts his way through a small swarm of Galra fighters and then uses the Jaw Blade to cut through the hull of one of the large cruisers. He’s then flying over to Hunk, who’s ramming his way through his own small swarm, and helps him to take them out with the use of a little fire. For a brief moment, Keith is able to agree with Shiro; they might just be able to handle this with only the Lions. 

That moment is incredibly short-lived, however, because before Keith can even process what’s happening, Lance takes a direct hit from a cruiser, and the Red Lion goes lifeless. With barely controlled anger, Keith notes that the hit was originally intended for Shiro. 

“Shiro! You have to retreat! Lance is down!” Keith yells through the comms. Between the desperate mix of fear and anger in his voice and the eerie stillness of Red, something registers in Shiro’s brain. Without hesitation, he has Black pick up Red and calls for everyone to head back to the Castle. 

Keith may not have made it to the bridge before anyone else, but with the exception of Shiro and the Black Lion, he’s the first to Red’s hangar. Red is still offline, so seeing no other alternatives, Keith climbs up and wedges his way through Red’s mouth. After all, Lance could be hurt or unconscious, and after everything that Keith’s seen today, he doubts that Shiro will be the one to check up on him. 

With a little effort, Keith makes it to the cockpit and finds Lance dazed but otherwise okay. His condition is better than what Keith was expecting, and he breathes a sigh of relief. Given Red’s reaction to the hit, Keith had every reason to expect the worst. 

“Hey, Keith,” Lance says. He gingerly removes his helmet, and Keith wonders if he sustained a head injury. Maybe it would be the best thing to get him to a healing pod… “I’m fine, I swear. You didn’t have to come check up on me.” 

“Oh,” Keith says. “I, uh, just thought that I’d return the favor. That’s all.” 

Lance snorts. “I’m pretty sure there’s a difference between being left for dead and taking a hit from the safety of an armored, magical lion.” He rubs his hand across the dashboard. “I just hope that he’s alright.”

“Like you said, armored, magical lion, right?” Keith can’t help but feel concern for Red, either, and the light-hearted comment comes out quieter than expected.

“Right.” There’s a pause. “So… something’s wrong with Shiro.” 

Keith’s momentarily forgotten anger is back in a heartbeat. “What the hell was that?” Keith exclaims. “You should have formed Voltron! You could’ve died, and Pidge could’ve gotten hurt, and-”

Lance rests his empty hand on Keith’s shoulder, and even through his paladin armor, Keith can feel the warmth of his skin. “I know. Believe me, I know.” Lance takes a deep breath. “Look, I don’t know how to fix this or what to do. You know Shiro better than anyone else, so if anyone can figure it out, it’s you.”

Keith splutters. “Me?” His track record for accomplishing anything of late couldn’t possibly be worse. But truth be told… he does actually need something to do, now that he’s no longer a Blade or a Paladin. 

“Yes, you.” Keith can read the suspicion on Lance’s face, and he prays that he doesn’t bring up how something’s bothering him. The look passes and instead, Lance gives Keith a pat on the shoulder. “C’mon, let’s go show the team that I’m alive and kicking.”

Keith follows Lance out of a still powerless Red to find the others waiting outside. Lance raises a peace sign with the hand that’s not holding his helmet before he jumps down to the ground. Hunk immediately rushes him. 

“Lance!” he cries, tears of joy already spilling from his cheeks. He all but strangles Lance with a tight hug, and Lance has to tell him to let him go. 

“Hey, I’m perfectly fine.” He glances over at Keith with a smirk on his face. “Keith made sure of that.” 

Keith wishes that he could stop himself from blushing, but he’s pretty sure that his cheeks are now the color of Red’s paint. 

“We’re so glad you’re okay, Lance,” Allura says with a smile. That smile disappears quickly, however, as she turns to face Shiro. “Now, there is something or rather _someone_ that we must deal with.” 

Before he saw Shiro’s face, Keith had every intention of verbally lacerating him. His bad judgment could’ve killed Lance or Pidge, after all, and his tone of voice to the other paladins was unacceptable. But… just by looking at his face, Keith can tell that Shiro already knows that. 

“I have no idea what came over me,” Shiro says. He rests a hand against his forehead. “Everything’s fuzzy, I-I don’t understand.” He looks at Lance directly. “You know I would never do anything to hurt you.”

Lance lets out a sigh and nods. “I know, Shiro. I hate to say it, but you really haven’t been yourself ever since you came back after getting captured.”

“That being said,” Allura interjects, “given your actions today, I am unsure if you are fit to lead Voltron. We cannot have a leader who will jeopardize the team in the field.” 

“Sorry, man, but I’ve got to agree with Allura,” Hunk says. “We’re lucky that Lance and Pidge didn’t get hurt today.” 

“I’ll step down,” Shiro says. There’s no hesitation in his voice, but nobody could miss the dejection. “It’s a good thing that Keith’s back, huh?”

Keith immediately thinks back to his own time as the Black Paladin. Chasing after Lotor, leading the team into a trap, making rash judgments… Honestly, if Shiro can’t be the leader because of his judgment, Keith can’t think of a single reason why he should lead them. 

“I can’t. I may be back, but I left for a reason,” Keith says. “I wasn’t a good leader.”

“You’re still a better leader than Shiro is in his current state,” Pidge says. “No offense, Shiro.” 

“Better than Shiro isn’t good enough. We _have_ to defeat Zarkon, and that’s not going to happen if I’m in charge,” Keith urges. “What about Allura?” 

“You already have a connection with the Black Lion, Keith,” Allura argues. “It’s nonsensical to switch all of our positions _again._ Would you fly Blue?”

“I-I don’t know. But if I have such a strong connection to Black, then why did Red come save me?” At this point, Keith will say anything to keep from flying Black and being the leader. No matter what the others might say, he _is_ a loner, and his time with the Blades only reinforced that idea. 

“Maybe that had more to do with Red’s pilot,” Hunk says, and Pidge immediately elbows him hard in the side. “Or… not.”

“That is a valid point,” Allura says. “After all, you already were in Red at the time, weren’t you, Lance?”

“I mean, I guess so, but that doesn’t explain why Red would have a connection to Keith still. Every time I try talking to Blue, she shuts me out.” 

Allura sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. “Keith, would you at least try? We truly don’t have any options left.” 

“Fine,” Keith says. “I’ll see if I still have a connection to Black, and if I do, great! The team gets the loner as the leader.” 

“Honestly, Keith, we just need someone who isn’t going to actively prevent us from forming Voltron,” Pidge says. “Just fly the Lion.”

Seeing that this is one battle he has clearly lost, Keith makes his way over to the Black Lion, which is conveniently still located in Red’s hangar. He can barely process his emotions on a good day, but this is insanity. If he flies the Black Lion, he leads Voltron to destruction, and if he doesn’t, he only cements his fears that he has nothing useful left to contribute. With the way that today has been going, it wouldn’t surprise him if the Black Lion chose Matt to pilot him next. 

At the very least, Black leans his head down so that Keith doesn’t have to perform the acrobatics that he used to get into Red. Despite his hesitations, he must admit that Black does feel familiar. He wouldn’t describe the feeling as warm, but it’s friendly. 

Once Keith reaches the cockpit, he takes a seat in the large chair that really only fits Shiro well. Just like last time, it leaves Keith with the impression of filling shoes that are too big for his feet, just like how this is a role that he’s not fit enough to play. 

He closes his eyes. 

And waits. 

And waits. 

And waits. 

But there’s never any confirmation. No roar of approval or flashing of lights. Keith just sits there, and while Black is friendly, it’s clear enough to Keith that the Lion would prefer someone else to be sitting there. Feeling both relief and disappointment, Keith makes his way to where the other paladins are waiting. 

“I’m quite surprised. I honestly thought that the two of you would have a connection still,” Allura says. “I’m sorry, Keith.” 

“Care to try now, Princess?” 

“Well, it certainly can’t harm anything,” Allura says. She takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

Allura goes to sit in the cockpit, and Keith waits expectantly. He wonders what flying the Blue Lion will be like. She’s smaller than Black but bigger than Red, so it must be like an awkward combination of the two. Then again, Lance could always go back to the Blue Lion, and Keith could go back to Red… 

Keith is about to ask Lance what flying Blue is like when Allura emerges from the Black Lion, shaking her head. 

“It was like last time. He has no interest in me being his pilot,” Allura says. 

There’s a pause as everyone considers who the Black Paladin could be. Keith has no idea himself. If it’s not Shiro, Allura, or himself, who could it be? 

“So, uh, are we just going to stand here and pretend like Lance isn’t an option?” Hunk says eventually. “Clearly, Pidge and I aren’t going to be the leaders so…”

“Yeah, I’m not leaving Green anytime soon,” Pidge says. 

All eyes turn to Lance. 

“Fine, fine, I’ll try. It could just be Black telling us to suck it up and have Shiro keep being the Black Paladin, but whatever. Let’s see.”

With nonchalance and the clear expectation that he won’t be chosen, Lance ambles to the cockpit. 

He’s been there for only a tick when the Black Lion roars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going on vacation and won't be able to update for another two weeks, so here's an extra-long chapter today!
> 
> Poor Keith, he should really talk about his feelings soon... and of course, how will Lance react to becoming the Black Paladin?
> 
> Kudos/comments appreciated!!


End file.
